Seeking help anonymously?

I know I probably need to talk to someone, but I am a little paranoid to do so. I don't want to have "a record" on file showing my problems, affecting future insurance, something that future employers friends, and family might find out about. I don't trust the government, and don't want to be a number. I know that doctors have to respect confidentiality, but they do have to report you if you are deemed a danger to yourself or others. I am not suicidal, but it was certainly something I thought about for long periods of time in the past. I don't want to be dependent on a medication the rest of my life, and I don't want to sit in someones office who pretends they are truly interested when in reality they just need to pay their bills.



Just turning 30 and believe I have been somewhat depressed most of my life. I am embarrassed to tell anyone about it, although I think some family members suspect it as well. I am anxious or nervous about stuff all the time, and I feel a constant need to succeed to the point that it is crushing. I never voice my opinions for fear of upsetting others or contradicting my opinions from the week before. Although I have a somewhat high IQ, I rarely discuss things for fear of being wrong or not knowing as much as I should about a topic. My motivation comes in waves, I get obsessed with something, only to be completely apathetic towards it weeks or days later.



I try to fit in with most social circles, and while I have acquaintances, all of the relationships seem superficial, and I don't think I have any true friends. I haven't talked to my closest "friend" in almost a year, with no real reason not to other than a busy schedule (working full time, plus more than full time student). I never have anything to say when we hang out, I think we just get each other though. I try so hard to fit in and impress others that I feel I no longer have an identity of my own. I am afraid to have people over because the house is a mess, and I feel people will judge me based on the books I own, or the music I listen to, etc. Because I am kind of a chameleon around people, I avoid interacting with more than one or two at a time because I am different to different people.



Turning 30 has made me realize that I have largely wasted my 20's. I don't feel like I have accomplished anything. My family nearly disowned me when I questioned my own religious and political beliefs, and I haven't felt a sincere connection with them since. The funny thing is, especially politically, I don't feel that there is a right answer. What resonates with me one week will not the next. I am a very indecisive person, but I feel that if politics were as cut and dry as people portray in heated debates, that we as a society probably would have come to a general consensus by now instead of literally hating each other over personal ideologies.



I know no one will probably read this far anyway, but I just feel like I am spending my whole life preparing to live and never actually living. I want help, but I can only bring myself to do it anonymously. I have insurance that covers mental health, but I know everything there is computerized and would become a permanent record. Sounds weird, but are there any under the table psychologists who could help? Anonymous psychologists to help anonymous people? I feel like they might just tell me I am a cynical ****** like on a recent episode of South Park that resonated with me. Or maybe, am I just normal? Does everyone feel like this and just never mention it?Seeking help anonymously?
I read the entire thing. :)

You need to stop caring about what people think so much. Who cares if you see a therapist and people find out about it later? Everyone is a little bit crazy you know. You sound very intelligent and sometimes being too smart can lead to being depressed... Because the world isn't the kindest place %26amp; it's the smarter people who are aware of this....

A big problem is that you have no identity. You're so worried about what people might say or think about you that you never really got to know yourself and developed one, instead you instantly jumped into this mold of trying to be someone that everyone else would like, instead of becoming someone that you yourself would like to be. The fact that you have no identity is now causing you to feel depressed and lost. At least that's what I think is wrong here.

Stop caring so much or you'll never live life. Develop your own identity, find what makes you tick, and to hell with everyone else!
try an antidepressant from an ordinary docSeeking help anonymously?
Dear Unknown, U sound good to me. Intelligent and age appropriate as far as I was when I was your age. However when you are having good sex in a committed marriage things should look brighter. I really like my husband sense of humor and he gives me daily full body massages. Life can dish out what it wants with that to look forward to. Jesus my Lord and savior is my priority and in prayer and thanksgiving I attend mass and confession. But I have had all your feelings anxiety as a single person before I was married. Pray and ask Jesus for a spouse and give him a list of specifics, because that's what I did and he gave it to me. Faith is a gift and I so love the Lord for it! I will be hoping the best for you and will say a prayer for you!
My friend, doctor-patient confidentiality will hold you up. Just go find a good general doctor and explain some things to him. Explain you're no danger to yourself or anyone else. You remind me of myself. I took celexa for a few months and it balanced the hormones, following that I weened myself off of it and everything got back into the normal range. Get a full hormone checkup, trust me on that.

It doesn't matter if the doctor is interested or not, they serve a purpose, they fulfill that purpose, you get back on track.



If you don't do any of that, then do this.

Get a notebook.

Write down exactly what you think regarding religion, politics, philosophies, etc, anything you can think of.

Study yourself in this book. Is that who you want to be? Life is about choices, make your own choices.

30 is the new 20.

Pick out 5 things you would like to learn to do, scuba diving, rock climbing, getting into shape(P90X), etc, and make a plan to make it happen.

You're not wasting anything, you're sowing today what you will reap tomorrow.

Be who you want to be. If you like being you, why question that? If you don't, why not question it?Seeking help anonymously?
I'm British and not overly familiar with the American health care system, but wanted to give my two cents worth - I read 'that far' :)



When I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago I didn't want it on my record either. I didn't want to visit a doctor at all, but was dragged along, no option. While the doctor clearly spoke to me about depression, and knew what was going on, my record said things like exhaustion, or stress. By visiting the same doctor each time, they know what has actually been said, as opposed to what the official record says.



You're unlikely to be reliant on pills for the rest of your life. Thinks like antidepressants, or antiphsycotics, can take a month or so to begin working, then over the course of the next few months you become stabilised, and finally weaned off them again. The doctor doesn't want you on permanent medication any more than you do! Medication isn't a cop out, or a cheat, or only for the weak. Medication gives you the strength to begin fighting your problems on your own.



Share your worries with the doctor, perhaps even before discussing anything medical, and hopefully he/she will accommodate you.



There are online forums where medical professionals give advice to people anonymously, but if you can do it, face-to-face will be much more beneficial to you.
I feel alot of what ur describing. All the pressure to be what everyone expects you to be. The preping ur self to live a life that ur prolly never gonna get to or achieve. All the worrying is a HUGE one for me. I actuallly tried killing myself a few times. So I know how you feel.



So yes I feel the same way.... ur not alone. Nothing is just black and white... there's tons of grey in the middle.



Try like a crisis hotline..... they're there to listen... to help.

hope it gets better.