After a minor fall down some stairs while my husband was watching our child, I returned home shortly from grocery shopping. At the time, my husband had just lost his job, we knew we were loosing the house because it was not marketable. I was still postpartum at the time and also under stress because of our situation with his loss and the house. I over-reacted to our child's fall. I went to urgent care to make sure our child was okay. Initially, the practitioner said all was fine. I was just about to leave and asked her if she was sure. She then left the office for a few minutes and returned with a changed diagnosis; the child's minor trauma required a CT scan. I requested alternatives; MRI, ultra sound, or an x-ray. The doctor said our child required a CT scan. For minor trauma? I did not agree, though I reluctantly drove to the hospital. My husband was frustrated and repeatedly voiced his opposition for the scan. When I read the negative health risks that were associated with the procedure on the consent form at the hospital, my instincts pushed me away from the procedure. I was also becoming resentful that had my husband not taken our child out of the playpen, not left the stair safety gates both open, and actually watched our child while I was shopping; the fall would have not happened and we would not be confronted with the choice to put our child at risk with a CT scan. I chose to sign the consent. I was scared, frustrated, and confused. All the while, our child at that point seemed just fine.
We were taken into the radiation room. I wanted to leave. It didn't feel right. My husband was not happy. I told the rad tech we wanted to change our mind about the CT scan. She said the doctor ordered this and it needed to be done. Both the doctor and the rad tech that day had said that the worse case is that when a child falls and there is any possibility of internal bleeding the child could die. At the very last minute, I took the leap and held our child through the scan, mentally torn, and knowing our child's life was in our hands. My husband just repeatedly shook his head.
Recent studies now indicate 1 in 80 children under the age of 18 months will die as a direct result from even a single CT scan due to leukemia or cancer. The brain cells prior to 18 months are not fully developed enough to heal from radiation damage. I purchased and read the full study from UCSF, as well as other recent studies supporting these statistics.
Now, we are in a better place. Our child's results were fine and healthy from the scan. The house was sold and we're employed. Unfortunately, that day I can not remove from my thoughts and blame myself for making an irrational decision that placed our child at risk for remaining life. When I am alone, I cry about it frequently. I've tried journeying but it does not help. During the day when I'm around my family or friends I live in the moment and enjoy my time with them successfully. I can not, however, seem to make the switch to living in the moment when I am alone. Are there tools or suggestions to help me heal during these episodes? I desperately want to move on from this. Thank you.What tools can I use to help me forgive myself for making a bad medical choice for our child?
You did what every sensible parent should have done. Have you ever read the side affects of children's Tylenol or Aspirin. Please don't, because you will probably never use another medicine again. Every possible side effects must be listed. You did absolutely the right thing. Innocent little seemingly non-traumatic injuries to the head can cause death within hours. Haven't you read. It was the correct medical choice. I thought you were going to say you didn't follow the physician's advice. Even under adverse circumstances, you did the right thing, no need to blame the husband either.
It is very difficult to make decisions with all of those stressors going on in your life at that time. Parents do their best, and God takes care of the rest. We are all imperfect people... One thing that helps me deal with life is a quote from the AA Big Book which reads, "Acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing or situation--some fact of life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God鈥檚 world by mistake. Unless I accept life completely on life鈥檚 terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes." You can do nothing to change the situation that happened...what was done is done, and you made the best decision you could at the time. How would you have felt if you didn't have the scan and something would have been horribly wrong? You never would have forgiven yourself for that, either. Be gentle with yourself, accept your decision as being what it was supposed to be, and trust God to take care of your child one day at a time.What tools can I use to help me forgive myself for making a bad medical choice for our child?
you've pretty much answered your own question, I will agree that you did overreact and alot of doctors will get you into that CT scan or other tests so they can charge your insurance more. There are no "tools" to get over this except you. You need to stop placing blame, you said you resented your husband because the child was hurt...dont place the blame worry about the solution, you think you made a poor decision based on emotion for your child...dont place the blame the solution is all that matters. As far as forgiving yourself, what do you perceive you did wrong? You have done nothing that is wrong and took all the steps you could to make sure your child was ok, (pssst just a little secret but that deserves a thumbs up =D you did more than alot of parents no of days would do)
as far as the 1 in 80 chance that they can develope cancer......seriously....first off 1 in 80 chances are pretty damn good...its that 75 in 80 chance you wanna worry about, secondly I dont know if you've heard but MOST statistics especially the ones that you've read in a book or heard in the news (especially the news) are made up right on the spot.
You did everything right, there is no reason to beat yourself up or blame yourself for anything STOP IT. The only thing I could even possibly think of that you may have done incorrectly is given in completely to your emotions, dont do that ever....when people are emotional they make bad decisions thats why they want you to keep a level head.
Stop killing yourself, stop blaming, and just let it go, everything has turned out great no harm no foul.
=D Wish you the best of luck your doing fine
We are all only human, and therefore fallible; we make mistakes, and do, or omit to do things we later regret, but the idea is to learn from them, and resolve firmly not to repeat that mistake, then forgive ourself, and move on with life, and not get caught up in the "should have's", "ought to's" and "if only's", etc.
Live in the present, and occasionally the immediate, and longer term future, rather than the past of guilt, and regret. It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately. Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind.
After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.
Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method.
Books:
Regrets: A Ten-Step Program for Living in the Present and Leaving the Past Behind by Hamilton Beazley, %26amp;
Getting Past Your Past: Finding Freedom from the Pain of Regret by Susan Wilkinson, %26amp;
Choosing Forgiveness: Your Journey to Freedom by Nancy Leigh DeMoss, %26amp;
The Twelve Steps of Forgiveness by Paul Ferrini and Pia Mackenzie, %26amp;
Forgiveness: How to Make Peace With Your Past and Get on With Your Life by Sidney B. Simon and Suzanne Simon, %26amp;
Escaping Toxic Guilt: Five Proven Steps to Free Yourself from Guilt for Good! by Susan Carrell, %26amp;
Good-Bye to Guilt: Releasing Fear Through Forgiveness by Gerald G. Jampolsky, %26amp;
31 Words to Create a Guilt-Free Life: Finding the Freedom to be Your Most Powerful Self - A Simple Guide to Self-Care, Balance, and Joy (39 Power Words) by Karen Bouris, %26amp;
Shame %26amp; Guilt by Ernest Kurtz,
from your bookstore, or Amazon.com
Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or hypnosisdownloads.com has ones about forgiveness, %26amp; overcoming feelings of guilt.What tools can I use to help me forgive myself for making a bad medical choice for our child?
Look at it this way: How would you feel if you had refused the CT and your child did have a life-threatening brain bleed, possible found at autopsy?
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